Somewhere in the Middle of the Beginning of the Beginning

So, this happened yesterday: https://www.cnn.com/2023/07/31/business/yellow-corp-closing/index.html

Thus leaving my beloved sans employment. It's been quite a heinous few weeks, what with the mental warfare both Yellow and the Teamsters have put these 30,000 people through. While I can't speak for how my beloved is feeling, I can tell you that I am relieved to at least have a definitive answer, and a "beginning" point. All we can do is move forward. No sense dwelling on that which we never could control. 

That being said, neither of us has been behaving logically in the face of the stress. Yesterday was especially stupid for both of us. 

I won't divulge his details, but mine show all too clearly on the scale and the blood glucose meter. 

Let's get the ugly out of the way, shall we? 

Scale: 217.4

Blood Glucose: 167 (this morning, after coffee) 

Source

At least I did eat some veggebles along with all the junk, so there's that. 

It's been decided that we cannot continue to allow ourselves to be controlled by outside forces. I believe I mentioned being tired of the me who lets everything I CANNOT control get the best of me, cloud my thinking, and put me in the Fuqitol mindset. 

We did possess enough common sense and decency to achieve lots of fruits and vegetables, even before he found out the lovely news nearing our journey through the Meijer produce department. 

I just don't have a whole lot to say about the situation. I know that everything will work out, and that every thing will be even better. I'm distracting myself with work so as to not sit here and pontificate on all the bullshit. 

Meanwhile, we're finishing up the outdoorsy stuff today (the rest of the gutter-guard, and a new screen door for the front door) and then the renovational workings will be on hold. 

I just got done cutting up a watermelon that is of questionable flavor and quality, made a fruit salad with oranges, blackberries, strawberries, nanners, and grapes, and cut up celery. Having salad for lunch, and some bison burgers for dinner, with some oven-roasted Brussels sprouts (from a recipe I saw here). 

It's been nearly a week since all that ... I haven't been able to say anything because I haven't found any words that seem right. 

What's the fucking point of talking about something when all this bullshit and drama is STILL going on, and there STILL are no clearcut, definitive answers? 

It's taking a toll on the sleep, the eating, the everything. 

It's sure as fuck affecting my common sense, and therefore, my eating choices. It's like being that thing at the end of the Yo-Yo string - the Yo-Yo, perhaps? Up and down, up part way, down all the way, all the way up, all the way down, up to the middle, and back around. 

Meanwhile, things that were already in motion got finished: 

Before: 

Now: 

I have to admit, this new door is a bit terrifying. I can definitively profess that I would NEVER EVER EVER have a door like this if we had small children, or rambunctious dog beasts. Never. It's a total mindfuck, as well, from the inside, when you open the door - it looks like there's nothing there. O.O But the amount of light it lets in now is AMAZING!!! 

Now, all that's left to do on the outside is get river rock or some white stone for the beds along the front, find some appropriately sized shrubbery as previously discussed, and maybe some plants for the fall. We'll see how motivated I get. 

We stopped at a nursery the other day, and they had this: 

Which MIGHT be okay for hiding that electric meter but I'm not 10,000% sold on it. This late in the season, I don't think I want to commit anything permanent to the ground. Maybe give it an ENTIRE season of warmth before the cold sets in next year? Who knows. 

In other news, paid off the central air system that we got back in '20, three years early. Go us. 

Every other thing is in limbo regarding his employ. Mine is still going strong, so we have that. I'm pretty much just on autopilot, trying to NOT fall back into depression mode. If that means I partake in some particularly shitty eating days, that's what it means. At this particular time, I have not a fuck to give. 

Limbo, purgatory, the Medium Place - call it what you will, it sucks. The NOT knowing is always, for me, far worse than a definitive answer. The game playing, the trickery, the corporate bullshit, the people performing the corporate bullshit all can fuck right off. 

We just want to move forward. So, forward we shall move. Whatever happens with Yellow happens. Doesn't mean we have to keep being held back by it. 

I don't have a whole hell of a lot left in me to say about it. Just going to act AS IF things are working out because THEY ARE working out. Nothing else to do. 

xo