Renovation, Risk Assessment, Building Stuff and Testing My Ability to Cope with Stress

 Many days later ... Still not a lot to talk about. Just been doing things. 

Got rid of this, finally, and moved the chairs behind it out to the other part of the house until we can get rid of them. 

Whilst we were waiting on the people to pick up the desk, I shoved everything into one corner of this massive, what used-to-be-a-two-car-garage, room, and proceeded to start mopping. That was fun. My beloved helped profusely, and did over half the room. After that was done, I proceeded to lay out the new rug, as seen below, which was MUCH lighter than I originally anticipated, but I still kind of like it. Don't know how long it will last with level of dirt that seems to exude from the pets, our feets, and just the house in general, but for now, it looks good. 

I forgot to take pictures of the event, but I constructed my new L-shaped desk, which is in much the same finish as the top of what you see below, which is a double-wide storage cabinet with drawers and shelves. I constructed said file cabinet, as well. Never have we ever appreciated the joys of a cordless drill more than in the two days of constructions. 

After all the constructions were complete, of course, the rug had to be tested for quality assurance by these twos. Approved. 

After all that, and having a completely clean and shiny new tile floor, we realized that we had created an exponentially high potential of death because not one, but both of us nearly crashed and burned when trying to walk from laundry room, down on to the step in stocking feet. Yeah, no. I am far too old to be falling down at this point in life, especially on tile flooring with a solid subflooring of concrete garage floor. Nopity nope. Therefore, I decided that maybe it's time to explore carpeting. 

I bought theses - peel-and-stick carpet tiles. They will arrive Monday. Once those are installed (*by me) we will once again be save from the slow and painful death by falling on hard stuffs. Hence, I am also holding off on taking pictures until the room is complete because I got some other brilliant ideas that have yet to be completed either. 

I did get intelligent enough to order some knee pads to help assist me in being down on the floor for long periods of time. First, I have to add CAULKing around the base boards, because, as this was once a garage, with access to the crawlspace, it also seems to be a highly trafficked area for assorted bugs, including wolf spiders and such. NOPE. 

I also decided that the internal side of the French doors needs a makeover, so I have purchased some also peel-and-stick wallpaper with which to cover them, and will also need to purchase some black paint and some sponge brushes with which to paint the plastic trim. That should be interesting. Now that I pause to consider my choices, I'm thinking perhaps BLACK on the door is NOT going to look that great with the black carpeting. I may have to reassess and try something different on the door. Stencils maybe? O.O 

I interrupt this programming to say, if you know anyone who wants a FULL set of China in this pattern, let me know. 

And because all that is not enough, we are turning the majority of the front half of this room into our home gym. That being said, I felt the need to purchase a new treadmill, which also will be arriving on Monday. So, yeah. Lots of changes taking place at the Waltenburg Estate. 

In other news, we are fast approaching the one-year anniversary of Dio's departure from the planet. We miss him tremendously and probably always will. He was the most excellent gentleman ever. 

That being said, my beloved who is now the Assistant Dog Warden of our county, has decided to test my capacity for stress and wants to add THIS one to the mix. 

It is at least a few weeks off, but damn ... I don't know how to do it. I am not sure how to juggle new dog things, getting new dog acquainted with old dog, on top of work, etc. I do not have a clue why no one has made him a permanent part of their home - but he's about to get a trial run here. If it works out with Nettie, then he'll be a permanent part of our home. Plus, he gets the added bonus of going to work every day with his "dad" whilst we all get acquainted and acclimated. 

I think that's all for now. 

Hope you have a good weekend! 

xo 

Drawing from Experience

 I haven't had any words, so I'll start with pictures. 

I started this at the beginning of the month ...

Mastering Tangled Cobwebs and Puppy Love

How is it September already? In another two months, I will have been at my current job for two years already. In It's been eight-ish months since my dad exited stage left. The work we had done outside was done in June, yet it still seems so very brand new. I have zero concept of time and where it goes. If I think about it too much, I will spin into a frenzy of depression, confusion, and lack of direction, so this is about all I have to say about time. 

Meanwhile, in the giant oak, I saw this the other morning. There's something fascinating about how the dew outlines the intricate design of a web, even one that's starting to fall apart. Patterns. There are at the very least five natural patterns in this one picture, and probably more, but my lack of education prevents me from locating all of them. Kinda like my brain. 

So, I finished this ... 

FINISHED is probably a very strong word, but for the moment, it's finished. At least the base. My beloved says it does not need color, but I think it needs some finesse, and some shading. I need to locate my charcoal pencils, but I'll come back to it. 

Meanwhile, I started another page. It's going to be a cross between neurographic drawing and the whole tangling of zens. I don't have a vision yet, but ... 

I started. I made the connections at all the cross points, and then turned focus on the lines. I spent probably a good 15-20 minutes on this small section. It's a very "zen," very meditative process. It'll be done when it's done because it's not being done for any other reason than for me to learn more about the art and more about me. For instance, I have learned that I cannot tolerate scratchy, broken lines, and therefore the idea to solidify all these curves came about. We shall see where it takes me. 

I finally have been bitten by the MasterClass bug. The whole world of the Tube of Yous gets old. Time to feed the brain something more than the flotsams and jetsams of "content creators." I think I said this recently about something else, but it rings true of ALL the socials, not just YouTube: 

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,

Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,

To the last syllable of recorded time;

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools

The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,

And then is heard no more. It is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing.

So, when I came across an ad, I went for it. I spent a considerable amount of time in this class (all of it, actually): 

I have grown up with her. From Freaky Friday to Silence of the Lambs to Nell, etc., she's just been a constant. I'm not a fan girl, she's just been a part of my experience on Earth. It was an excellent beginning. I've got quite a few classes saved already, and I look forward to listening to something different than the normal idle chatter of which I usually partake. 

As part of signing up, I get to hand out three trials, so if you want to see what MasterClass has to offer, I invite you to hit up this link and see what there is to see: https://www.masterclass.com/s/69934d7e 

It's available til 9/11. You get free 14-day access to all 180+ instructors (or so they say on the page).

Yesterday, my beloved and I went on a walk ... I am confused, and therefore will no longer announce the distances I think I have traveled on my excursions unless and until I get some sort of working pedometer. I thought I had one, but it's not in the mood to be found at the moment. Anywhoooooo, we went further/farther than I did the first time. Still not EVEN close to the next roads back. Today, I think I'll be going to the cemetery just to change things up, plus getting a late start, so there will be more shade, rather than fricasseeing as I walk down the open, unshaded trail here. 

We went to the shelter yesterday to tend to the residents. One came back, Jasper (front, below), and Rufus (back, below) was healing up nicely from what WE believe was abuse. The swelling in his eye has gone down considerably, and he's energetic, and happy. Later yesterday, a family adopted him. I hope all will go well. They shared pictures with the warden, and he looked at home, and happy. 

Some volunteers feel that Rosie, back there with my beloved, does not like men. We beg to differ. She is a sweet, sweet, sweet girl. So sweet! 

I love this guy ... I don't know what his name would be, but it is not Jasper. He was very shy and timid the first time we met, before he went for his less-than-week field trip. Seeing him yesterday, he's starting to warm up to me. I was sitting on the sidewalk with him. He was just content. He's a very intelligent boy who knows what he wants. There's a door back there behind him that he can stand up and open if it's not secured from the inside. He's not pushy. He's good on a leash. He's just an excellent gentleman. I hope he, and his sister, Rosie, will find a good home together, or two good homes apart. 

 We're going back this evening, and there has already been a new resident moved in to replace Rufus. Sad truth. Sucks. She's a lovely lady. I wonder how she will be? 

I listed a few things on Marketplace. I don't have high hopes, but they're getting views. 

In the health department, we got an adjustable weight bench which will be helpful in doing at-home workouts - arm day, specifically - for me. We've got the elliptical machine that we'll be moving back in here, and the rowing machine, and a few other things that we can use. All in all, looking forward to getting more movement, and rebuilding some lost musckles! 

I think that's it for today. Hope you have a lovely holiday. I'm actually doing very little to no work today. I just don't feel like it at the moment. 

Happy Monday! 

The Light in the Corner, Cobwebs of My Mind and Pastel Vomit

By accident or by direct manipulation of the YouTube algorithm, I stumbled upon an artist by the name of Titus Meeuws. I knew and still do not know anything of him other than he is an Impressionist painter somewhere in Europe maybe, and he has some kind of power to capture sunlight with paint in a way I have never before seen! 

Like this: 

From this video

There is absolutely nothing about this painting that I do not love, but the sunlight in the corner is just mesmerizing to my soul. 

If you peruse his Instagram, there is even more proof of his mastery of light and shadow. 

I am neither an art expert, nor art critic, nor art historian, nor anything art related. I just know when some piece of it, the art, hits my soul. 

I think seeing this last week struck a nerve in me that my own paltry designs need to be reconsidered. I need to get to know ME a bit more. I'd like to think that what I've done so far is just more of a discovery phase than anything else. 

What I now know is that the pastel world is not a world I am comfortable in. I've tried floral designs, muted pastel heart designs, and even baby designs, and I am just not feeling it. At. All. 

I can't even bear the natural tones ... We are trying to decide on a neutral color to paint throughout the interior, and all of them make me cringe. Neutral colors signify the sound and fury of absolutely nothing in my brain. I need color to function. Vivid colors to be precise. Not so much that I get a color headache like the one time we watched Once Upon a Time in Mexico ... 

But COLOR. I don't need to live in a catalog and have everything tastefully coordinated throughout the entire living space. I just don't. Life calls for more interest when you walk from room to room. 

Let's take a brief interlude to announce that we are fully and completely ready for Halloween festivities: 

That's not white string. That is one very long, very sturdy strand of web... 

Which brings me to ... WHAT in the HOLY HELL was I THINKING? 

I've put a lot of thought into my preferences, especially color wise, as of late. Reviewing some designs I did earlier this year, and I have come to the conclusion that I am not a person of muted style or taste when it comes to patterns. 

I really do not know what I was thinking, honestly. I guess I just had to get it out of my system. 

This shit has GOT TO GO: 

I just can't ... I can't do this any more. It's so beyond NOT me. I wouldn't wear it. I wouldn't put it on my walls (any of it), I wouldn't want it on my mousepads, or my anything. In defense of the purple, I was seeing wrapping paper only, but upon further introspection, it's HIDYOUS!!! Ew. I lost my damned mind for a minute. 

I am not one to pay much attention to trends, but a few of these are highly reminiscent of 1980's home decor and I am SO mad at that. 

Before you think I'm beating myself up, I am not. This is how I truly feel about these designs, and I don't think it would matter WHO made them. 

THIS is how we learn about ourselves. THIS is how we learn to trust our gut reactions. None of these felt overwhelmingly awe-inspiring when I put them together. I guess I was just so tickled that I learned how to make digital seamless patterns that I just could not be stopped. 

As if to remind me of my color addiction, and things not so neat, orderly, or precise, my beloved took the time to think of me, and got me this: 

Is he my favorite artist ever? No. I don't know that I have one go-to favorite. I just know what things hit me in the feels, take my breath away, and make me want to see more. He is one such person who created many such things that have done just that. He is a reminder to embrace the colors, and not run away from them. 

I'm also veering away from ignoring my urge to draw. I don't want to use other people's stuff and throw it all together. If I make something I want it to have come from my mind and my hands. 

I don't know what I will do. I know what I've been drawn to (pun fully intended) in the past - ink, black ink, heavy colored pencil, acrylics v. watercolor, etc. Do I know where I will venture off to next? No. That's part of the joy. Learning. 

I am already learning something new just by watching Mr. Meeuws. 

I mean, just LOOK at the lighting. LOOK at it! 

That's all I have for now. Just me and my braincell wandering off in search of what brings me that kind of light! 

The Sheer Effectiveness of Letting Go

 Apparently the theme of 2023 is "Letting Go." 

My tolerance for bullshit and learning new things has apparently decreased. I was going to link to the aforeseen hoodie up here, but now, when I try to visit my Spring store, it says the connection is not safe. What the holy fuck? So, yeah, my urge to do this either on Zazzle or elsewhere is waning. 

The fact that the Zazzle folks can't seem to use one or two reliable printers for their POD apparel peeves me greatly because the shirt quality itself is great. 

I made this: 

And what I received was this (minus the lil fuzzies and hair - which just naturally occur here): 

I made this: 

And got three different versions of this: 

And NONE of them utilizing the shade of red found in the original design. I did everything I was supposed to do, design wise, as far as file type, image size, resolution, flattening, etc. I know they had the capability to at least get CLOSE, since one of them was acceptable, but no. Just no. 

I just cannot. 

Black and white and words, fine. Intricate, textured, or colorful designs, nope. I ain't doin' it ... (like she said ...) 

Meanwhile, last night in the back yard ... 

Clearly, I do not have a camera capable of taking night pictures of any worth, but this was the second night of dueling speeders ... that long white-ish line in the top middle is web ... THAT is the strength and size of web we're dealing with in not one, but apx 15 locations around the back yard. The lack of feathered friends caused by the arrival of rodentia has really increased the speeder population. We also had a not-ton of dirt delivered earlier in the summer to cover up foundation (don't ask, I can't explain the real reason) ... and I'm thinking that import brought along with it a whole new population of yet-to-be-hatched speeders. 

Back to letting go - when you let go, or at least take a break, it makes it EXPONENTIALLY easier to let go of things that no longer serve you. I broke open the art puter last night, and realized that some of the designs I'd made over the past couple months really and truly SUCKED and were NOT me. Not at all. I won't say I wasted time working on them because it revealed that I am not doing the arts to fit in, or follow trends, or hit the big time. I am making things that I LIKE and that maybe others will be able to use. Some are gross. Some are gorgeous. To each their own. So, I spent some time eliminating the extraneous designs that I just did not have the heart to continue working on. Off they went. 

Google took one of my morning-walk photos and did this to it: 

I wish the sky had been that blue. I wish we had blue skies today. Instead it's more mid- to late October gray, windy, and COLD. We've bypassed Autumnal coolness right into DAMN IT, Winter is Coming! Next week, supposedly, it'll be in the 90s again. Gotta love Ohellio. 

We're in a bit of a show hole at the moment. We finished Frasier and nothing has been the same. Once a week, we watch Reservation Dogs. We've tried a few shows that just downright sucked, so we shut them off before we even finished the first episodes. We watched something called Platonic, I think, with Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne. Not a word I use often, but "Meh ..." TV just kind of SUCKS. 

Really. I just have very little tolerance for any of it anymore. 

Really don't have a whole lot more to report. Very uneventful kind of week. I do have something new to show you, but I haven't taken pictures yet, so you'll just have to wait. :P 

Have a great day! 

Phallic Pharming, Toothy Horses and T-Shirt Issues

Took off out the estate at approximately 7:35am for a leisurely stroll down our road because, frankly, I was not feeling the cemetery vibes today, plus I was not feeling the drive TO the cemetery vibes. 

Lovely morning. A slight autumnal chill coolness in the air. A magical metric fuqueton of sun ...

According to Google Earth, the total round trip was apx 1.8 miles. Not too shabby. I'd say it took around 35-40 minutes. Might've been a bit quicker, if I did not stop to meet this being, both to and fro: 

He walked (he, meaning I have no clue what gender IT was - but I am not saying THEY. Sorry. It's a horse. They don't have gender identification issues like humans do) right up to the nearly invisible fence to check out the passerby (me) and then we went our separate ways ... 

I really have to move on the regular, lest I always remain out of shape, all huffy, puffy, and fluffy. 

I can honestly say I don't recall ever looking at this silo so closely before. Looks like good tile for a kitchen backsplash! I'll never understand the need for menfolk of the past to design everything grain-storage in phallic shapes, but whatever ... 

A view to the east ... From our kitchen window, I always thought that this is where the ditch was located, because we would watch the deer traversing across the field into that wooded area there on the right ... and they would go down, disappear, and come back up, but it LOOKED like they were right there aligned with the back of the trees. Turns out, there's a whole other field (where the corn is) between there and the ditch. Eyes play tricks. 

Nothing entirely riveting to report, except the appearance of a person on a bike that I swear to you was NOT there when I started walking north on State Line Rd. I was about midway between our road and the ditch when I turned around to see if any cars were sneaking up behind me, and instead I see this person on a bike ... WTF. I do not wish to be seen by other humans when I decide to leave the house and walk around the neighborhood. What was odd was that they were riding in my direction, but as soon as I saw them, they turned and went back from whence abyss they came. 

Whatever. 

Just glad they didn't continue in my direction, because it would have been awkward. 

On the way back, I stopped again to visit with the horse friend: 

Very curious, but when I touched his snoot, he tried snipping. All good. I have fairly quick reflexes. Next time, I'll bring the appropriate carrotesque treats so he has something other than me to chew on. 

Off in the distant right, there's a brown cow leisurely reclining by the pond basking in the morning sun. 

In other news, we started volunteering at the county dog shelter yesterday. This is going to be challenging, the NOT bringing home of every lovely resident ever. We have firmly decided, however, to let Nettie have a peaceful rest of her life as an only child. Still, it will be nice to get out of the house and go do something totally not self related. Two of the five residents were adopted yesterday, whilst we were there, but then another was brought in last night. Fortunately, under this dog warden, it is a mostly no-kill shelter if he can do anything to help it! 

Saturday, we traversed up to Lake James, and have a lovely lunch at a place called Timbuktoo's or something. I did not take pictures because not everything needs to be memorialized in digital pictures. It was just nice to drive around, see how the other 1% lives on the lake, and do something different. 

The restaurant had these lovely little spinach-ball appetizers with an equally pleasing dill dip. Whilst these were not good for my health, or energy levels, they were worth it. I am determined to recreate them in a keto/low-carb format. When that happens, I will provide pictorial proof. 

In other OTHER news, my sleep was FUCKKKKKKKKKKED up this weekend. I did not sleep for shite on Friday night. Thusly, after Carb Fest Saturday, I decided it'd be a good idea to take a nap at 6:30pm. I woke up from said nap at 1:30am. Then, I proceeded to stay up until retiring last evening at 10:30pm. That'll be quite enough of that particular brand of bullshit!  I am not built for staying awake for long periods any more. 

I think that's it for now. Nothing exciting going on today, other than work stuff. Hope you all have a good week! 

OH, wait ... I forgot - after three failed attempts with Zazzle to get high quality color designs on T-shirts, I've pared down the offerings that feature white text on black. Granted one of those fails was a sticker, so I probably will not muck around with those, either, but for now, it's gonna be colorfully designed coffee cups or black tees with white designs. 

You can check them out here: 

Eating My Veggies

 

So, I’m sitting here with a lot of alone time because I was so tired that I was going to “take a nap” at 6pm, and ended up sleeping til about 1:30am. Here we are. Well, that was about six hours ago. In the meantime, I just did a lot of thinking, a lot of nothing, some drawing, some coffee consumption, and random other shite. It was all over the place.

There’s a lot going on right now, but life doesn’t stop just because you catch a curveball here and there. All the normal daily functions still have to take place – eat, pray, love, poop, etc.

Basically, I came up with this overarching question – What can I do every day to get where I want to be?

MAYBE, now that I think about it, the real question is – WHERE do I want to be?

Furthermore, where do I want to be in the following categories:

•        Health
•        Appearance
•        Marriage
•        Career
•        Money

You may ask yourself why I don’t mention the kids. Because they are fully grown adults with their own lives completely separate from our existence, in assorted locations around the country, so the whole family thing is a bit more distant than some of you may live in your own lives.

Back to the regularly scheduled word-vomit session ...

Where do I want to be in health? Healthy, of course. I get random aches, pains, kidney stones, etc., but for the most part, other than physically being in the “Crone” stage of womanhood, I’m good. I’m tired. I’m a bit worn down, but otherwise, I’m good. There are some things that I need to commit to doing on a regular basis that would improve my daily demeanor, but I’ll get to that later or some other time.

Where do I want to be in appearance? Not looking as I currently do. A lot of that, I can definitely control. I have, as The Theys say, “Let myself go.” Makeup and hair – pfttttt. Sorry, my Beloved. I’m struggling. I have very thinning hair. I wash a handful down the drain every time I shower. I have half-brows, which give me the constant appearance of being startled, unless I stamp some on my face. I haven’t gotten a hair cut or color in nearly a year. Before that, it was COVID year, I believe. I’ve definitely opted for comfort over style in the last decade, since working for myself, or working remotely, long before it was a thing.

Do I feel good about my exterior appearance? Not at all. Can I do something about it. I can. Do I know what that will be? Absolutely not.

Where (who) do I want to be in my marriage? Better than I have been. There are no details I will ever share publicly. As with every married couple, we’ve had the ups, and the downs, and the all-arounds. I don’t compare us to any other couple because we all have different relationships. I just want to be a better contributing partner than I have been.

Where do I want to be in my career? Invaluable, and earning a salary commensurate to that value. I know that I need to keep learning more about the automation and AI aspects, but I am not sitting here trembling with fear that I will be replaced by machines. Those AI bots are far to tactful and friendly to replace my brand of honesty and straightforwardness. We still need human thought, experiences, and emotions, period.

Where do I want to be financially? Comfortable and able to live in a comfortable home with comfortable furnishings in a comfortable location. Theme – comfort. Do I want more than I have now? Yes. Am I comfortable now? Also yes. Current situation excluded, we have busted ass to get to where we are. We have succeeded, and will continue to grow, change, evolve, and do even more.

That all said, I made a list of things I can do every day to get to where I want to be, at least with regards to the health and appearance categories:

•          Choose me.
•          Choose the right foods
•          Don’t obsess over weights and measures
•          Don’t give up
•          Don’t let the external world control my thoughts
•          If I slip, get back up and keep going
•          Move
•          Stop making excuses
•          Stop giving in to every whim or temptation
•          Stop planning and start doing
•          Stop waiting

Let’s examine the list – a fuckton of Don’ts and Stops tempered with choices and movement.

I do choose me. I choose to take care of me. I choose to make me happy.

Choosing the right foods, easy – knowledge-wise; challenging – brain wise (see “If You Slip ...”)

I’m not doing a YouTube channel or blog about my weights and measures. I probably will take measurements at some point, but that’s not what this is about. I weigh in every morning. That’s it. Not even recording it anywhere. Obsession is futile and damaging.

Giving up is the real challenge. The commitment to choosing me is the challenge. Falling into the “Why Bother” hole is the challenge.

That external world has had a hold on my brain for far too long. I truly do know that I cannot control the choices or actions of anyone but myself. For the most part, I have distanced myself from those who saw me as less than, and just moved forward. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t boil to the surface when they make their random appearances, but I’ve improved greatly in how I cope over the years. Now that I recognize that I let the outside world dictate my choices with regards to the shit foods, it’s easier to call myself out on it. Not perfect yet, but getting there. I choose me. I’m done allowing the external to dictate the internal.

Slippage. I do a lot of that. Now I have to work on the “Get back in there!” part.

Movement. This ... This is the thing I vacillate on the most. I know how good I feel when I do it. It’s just the DOING it ... I went to the cemetery two days in a row and felt better after each time. Then, on Wednesday, it stormed. Do you think I’ve been back? I also have performance anxiety, and don’t care to do my workouts in front of a television with anyone else home, or at the gym. Believe you me, I looked at a gym membership again, too, but I know me too well. Having to drive 15 minutes there and back is not conducive to maintaining motivation to MOVE. I’m just going to have to FORCE it upon myself whether I like it or not. Just no other way.

This all falls in line with no longer making excuses. I don’t have to wait on any particular thing to happen before I can do something for myself. The excuses are detrimental, and all bullshit. There is no reason I can’t get up and move in the mornings, or go for a walk in the afternoons, or whenever. I don’t have a set morning work schedule. My bosses are three hours ahead of me, out in Arizona, as are another three coworkers, two in AZ, one in California. Others are at assorted locations around the globe, and usually all the activity doesn’t happen until closer to noon. There’s just nothing holding me back but me. Period.

The whims and temptations – strongly tied to letting the external world dictate my behaviors and moods. I can choose to do other things that put food in the chewhole. I can choose NOT to buy shit foods. I. ME. I didn’t choose me yesterday, when I bought a Fast Break bar and a Diet Dr. Pepper. I didn’t choose me when I ate said candy bar at 3:00am whilst thinking about all this. Next choice will be a better one. And the next, and the next, until it snowballs, and I can get over the bullshit.

Planning is the death of action. At least for me. Yes, there ARE some things that must be planned, but taking care of ME does not require planning. It requires doing. Enough with the bullshit. Enough with the saying I will and mapping it out. I just have to DO it.

As for waiting – I don’t know what the fuck I’ve been waiting on. It’s just a passive-aggressive form of procrastination. Not waiting until tomorrow to start. Not waiting on anyone else before I get up and do something any day of the week. Just DO IT, as those Nike people said.

Of course, YouTube kept me company in the wee hours of this morning. I am prone to click on random videos from people I’ve never seen before and most I hope to never see again. This girl had a video about how she was tired of being fat. I can relate to THAT. I could NOT relate to the 20-something-minute tirade she went on about all manner of bullshit and pretty much talked herself out of being tired of being fat, rather than just shutting up and doing something about it. See, this is why I will NOT have a YouTube channel, and especially not one focused on the imperfections of my being. I’d just be stuck there. No.

If I’m tired of being my current version, then what I have to do is shut up and do something about it. I could give two flying fuquetarts what anyone else thinks about it. 

So, I wrote all that, and then I heard this ... 

From this book: