Shut Up [the World] and Listen [to Yourself]

 

I just realized that every place I've ever lived is on this map, from Kankakee to Lima O.o

I don't believe I've woken up to a storm in at least the last decade that made me wonder if we were going to either A) go airborne or B) be flattened by the giant oak tree that sits directly outside our bedroom as I was at 4:15-ish a.m. this morning. We don't use our weather radio. We like to live on the edge. Sometimes, I question that life choice. I do not know what rolled over, but I do know that it was very loud, very windy, full of lightning, and that sound reminiscent of a nearby train. However, whatever it was passed through without incident, and everything is still in its normal location, inside and out this morning, here and all around the neighborhood. 

I laid (lied, lye, lay) there weighing the assorted options - like does it really matter, at this point, what the weather map says? Will I even make it to the TV or the puter to look? It wasn't disturbing enough to wake up anyone else in the room, so eventually, I just went back to sleep. (Update: My beloved said there were at least five Tornado Warnings on his phone when he got up ...) COOL!!!!! O.o

It's probably some metaphorical sign from the universe that every little thing is going to be fine. "Weather any storm .." etc.

This has been an odd weather year, and it seems to be coordinating with the home renovation spirits because every time we have something done, a storm then blows through to prove the soundness and quality of the work that was just completed. This week, the final evidence of the beastly concrete step was covered up, and the gutters were cleaned and partially repaired, with some gutter guard stuff going in. 

Next up, river rock in the beds. We put down the weed barrier last weekend, and since it's so late in the season, I don't know if it's wise to plant any shrubs yet, or just wait til spring '24. There will be at least one taller Juniper style shrub in the corner where the electric meter sits. Since it is no longer used but seemingly is stuck on the house, might as well at least try to camouflage it. Then, another potted but equally tall varietal behind the bench to cover up the other one ... 

Not quite sure. The joys of older homes. Some things you just have to live with if you don't want to knock out a whole wall and start over. I CAN tell you that those lil round end tables were NOT built for anywhere that gets a lot of rain. Me, thinking like a grape, decided we don't get that much rain, they'll be fine ... Then, we have the rainiest year we've had in probably the last 10. Go figure. I might be able to make them work inside. We'll see. 

As for me, all my shit-derful food choices have caught up with me, so I know I'm back at logical thinking. It was a hiccup, or a rather loud belch, if you will. I let stress control me. I LET it. It does not control me unless I (ME) allow it to. 

I'm doing some much needed cleaning out of the fridge and cupboards today, and will be stocking up on much vegetation, fruits, proteins and the likes when we hit the store for provisions tomorrow. As we're currently in Sauna Season here in Ohellio, I have no direct plans to walk either myself, or Nettie for extended periods of time, so I'll be finding some things to do indoors. We do have a rowing machine that's currently awaiting use, so that's an option. 

I'm just following common sense and using the knowledge I have acquired over the years to get myself back in working order. I grow weary of the internet. I grow sick and tired of how you can find at least 100 "solutions" for anything, all with conflicting POVs. So, I'm just following my intuition. Fuck it. 

We've been watching Frasier. We never did see all of it, so we've taken some time to watch EVERY single episode, of which there are many. One recent episode centered around Niles' brush with death, and how he wouldn't shut up about how he nearly died. Here, a part of the conversation: 

Niles: Dad, I don't want to turn this into a competition. I'm just trying to embrace life to the fullest.
Martin: Oh, will you give it a rest.
Niles: Excuse me?
Martin: You haven't embraced a damn thing. All you're doing is yakking about feeling this and experiencing that. You're not doing anything.

Source: https://tvquot.es/frasier/dont-go-breaking-my-heart-part-3/2/

That really hit my feels. A little less conversation, a bit more ACTION is required. NOTHING gets done without the actual DOING of the thing. Period. 

I'm not really the "Live life to the fullest" kind of girl, but I do know that I'm not comfortable being the one yakking about it and never taking any kind of action, so there's that. 

There's been a lot of stress/frustration/mediocre rage about the goings on with my beloved's job, as of late. I support him no matter what he chooses to do. I just want HIM to be happy. Yesterday, he shared this: 

This is what happens when your employer and your union can't be bothered to communicate with the actual employees, and like to let people just swing in the breeze. I only wish they had connected ALL of the pups AND the normal-sized trailers, and THEN clocked out.

With that, I am off. Happy Weekend! 

xo

I CAN Drive 55

 So, it's official. I'm 55. 

Source

Amidst some fairly nerve-rattling upheaval, this is actually just not that riveting. I was supposed to go in for my follow-up with the OB/GYN today. I cancelled it. Given the current uncertainties, and the lack of any earth-shattering results from my bloodwork, I will move forward with Plan B - ME. 

I haven't found anything new to try - we're going old school. Common sense, if you will. I know what I NEED to do, and I know what I need to STOP doing. I am educated enough to know the things I need to start and stop eating, etc., so that's where I am starting. 

Given my age, lifestyle, and lack of certain reproductive pieces and parts, I know have a starting point: 

1. Movement

2. Building up muscle

3. Ingesting fiber, healthy fats, vegetables, fruits, and healthy proteins

4. Reducing stress

5. Keeping my brain active

How? 

Just start. 

When? 

Gradually, but starting today. 

Why? 

Because I want to. 

I am tired of myself. I am weary of the shit-tastic choices I have been making, and the mostly giving up and saying "Fuck it." 

As Billie says: 

Probably why I don't spend a lot of time in the mirror. I don't want to see who I have been being. 

This isn't about constantly chasing self improvement or anyone else's definition of what one should be. It's about getting rid of the bullshit mindframe and just living the best life I can. 

I haven't been doing that, and I'm tired of the excuses I make. 

It's been building up, and it's time. I know I say that a lot. I know I'll probably say it again. I also know that the only way out is straight through the middle, and the only one that can do it is me. 

As if I needed a reminder from beyond, at the 19-second mark, I saw Paulie and Dio ... I miss them both deeply. This was just a note to say "Keep going!" 

I'll keep you posted. 

Bellyaches, Birria, the (Somewhat) Unbearable Heaviness of Waiting, and Under-the-Rock Living

Current mood: Cloudy with a Chance of Bullshit

In no particular order (based on the title), it's probably not been the most gleeful of weeks. Without going into the gory particulars, my Beloved's job is in question, through no fault of his own, and through every fault of grown men and women who should not be in charge of tens of thousands of people, let alone hundreds of millions, nay, billions of dollars. 

However much it gives ME a bellyache, I am fully aware and thankful for where we are and all that we have accomplished, which means that I know everything will work out regardless of what the corporate fuckwits do or do not do. 

Looking Back + Moving Forward = ?

It's highly uncomfortable to be able to see the finer details of an aircraft this large from the confines of your backyard. 

 I was looking back at some other blogs and marveling at: 

1. How I never added a "Read on" tag to shorten up the posts on the main page view 

2. Patterns, they repeat

Window Walking, Jive Talking, and All that Jazz

I found this to be appropriate for the day ... See, some almost 70 years after this house was built, and nearly 20 years after we moved in, we are getting new windows. All of the ones that were not added more recently (in the past two years) or covered up also in the past decade, are being exchanged for new ones. 

Disclaimer: I started writing this last week, but I can't remember exactly when ... Then I got writer's block. Tis what it tis. 

I know it's not the most riveting news, but for us, you see, it is. The years of draftiness and exorbitant internal-climate-control bills are about to be a distant memory. You do what you can do when you can do it, and when you can do better, you DO do better. 

Lessons from a Gray Tree Frog

 Or any frog for that matter, but this was the one who showed up: 

WARNING: Grab snacks, or a whole pot of coffee - it's a long'n. 

We saw this fellow ribbiting his way across the driveway last night, after it had rained yet again. How is this profound? Because, every time he encountered an obstacle, he just stopped, weighed his options, looked at us like the giant fools we were, looming over him as we were, and then he made a different choice. Went in a different direction. Found a workaround. 

Lesson? When shit gets in your way, think about it for a second, and then make another choice. Find another way to move forward. 

Failing to Plan to Plan to Fail

 

A fairly decent representation of the current state of my brain as interpreted by DALL·E 2

All right. So, I've taken several weeks off of doing ANYTHING related to taking true care of myself. As a result, this experiment was a miserable failure, in most senses. In other senses, it was useful to get a better understanding of who I am, how I function, and what I need to do.